Bodhisattva showed us how to combine all our fears into one living thing
So it can be seen, instead of just felt
All of our fears forming a great monster, from our kid stuff to our current stuff
It’s a combination of oldies and greatest hits and new stuff–which really is just a buildup of all the old stuff
When complete, and standing in our doorway, we can assess its height and weight, just as we would a persistent bully on the playground
The hope, and the enlightenment, is that once seen and faced, the beast will lose its ability to frighten
Instead, it will awaken our ability for compassion and understanding
There will be empathy for it, and, in turn, ourselves
His monster was named Mara, and he was described as a Demon God
I picture a huge, hairy beast with protruding fangs and malicious intent
Today, my monster took the form of a Metro Bus driver named Bob
He said that he wanted to be called “Robert,” but felt that it might come off as pretentious to his riders
Bob was stopping by after a long, difficult shift, looking horrible and sad
He smelled of stale cigarettes and the city, and every minute or two he would knead the back of his neck and clear his throat
I offered him tea, which he accepted, balancing cup and saucer on his knee
A little bit spilled on his pants, but he seemed not to notice
His clothing was worn but clean, his face deeply wrinkled with skin that looked as though it had rarely seen sunlight
His life, he realized, had been focused on making sure that all his passengers got to where they were going
Right on time, every day, after day, after day, after day
Bob was a tired old man who had traveled many miles in service to many people
But he had no journey of his own
He knew no joy of his own
He held the cup up high to get the last sip of tea, carefully placed it back on the table and quietly left the room
I looked at the empty chair and still warm cup, while listening to his footsteps retreat to silence
I found myself wishing he had stayed longer
A hairy beast with fangs and malice would have been somehow better, the fear for bodily harm much preferred to deep and genuine sorrow
Bob, the monster that showed itself to me, was actually selflessness
Selflessness
The belief that being committed to everyone’s journey but his own would somehow find him favor in the eyes of loved ones, peers, and a deity never seen but believed
Selflessness showed itself for what it truly is
Self-neglect
Now, the room is so very still
I find myself in a new alone
Asking if those I serve so faithfully, I serve out of love and caring
Or because it’s easier to serve them than to love myself…
